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2of21 Jakob Lichti
Jakob Lichti Age 4: "Gosh, those cars go by so fast! Way faster than horses can go... I wonder what it feels like inside them, to move like that?" Age 6: "He won't come in here! I'll block the door so he can't get in. He's yelling so loud and now I can hear Mother crying. Where's Thomas?" Age 10: "I'll kill him one day. As soon as I'm strong enough. I'll kill him. If he ever touches Annie I swear to Christ I'll rip his head off..." Age 10: "I thought that little runt was a goner, but he lived! Pulled himself up on those wobbly legs to nurse. It was amazing!" Age 15: "I saw Johanna riding in Caleb's buggy on the way home from church. Her parents allow that? She's only 15! I've lost my chance with her totally, now." Age 16: "The Ordnung was read at mass today. I can't believe I've never questioned this before." Age 16: "It's gone - all of it. All up in smoke. I could have been burned alive... I could have died! I can't do this anymore. I don't want this to be my life forever. I don't want to die without living! I have to get out of here..." Age 16: "That farm has been in the Lichti family for generations, and now... up in smoke..." Age 16: "First thing I'm gonna do when I earn the cash - buy a big red pick up truck!" Age 17: "So many buttons! How am I supposed to use this thing? I've never used such ... technology before..." Age 17: "The way these other kids complain at the store is unreal! It's like they've never seen a hard day's work in their lives!" Age 18: "'Love is not a victory march - it's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah...' I always thought that was a hymn when Mother used to sing it. I wonder where she learned it?" Age 18: "I need to make sure I make enough so I can send some to Annie." Age 19: "I can't feel my legs... Jesus, that whiskey really packs a punch!" Age 20: "I'm dizzy. What was that?" Age 21: "This is so embarrassing. I'm the oldest person in my driver's ed class... And those young girls dress so indecently! It's distracting." Age 24: "I swear Lord, just let me stop vomiting. I solemnly swear I will never drink again!" Age 22: "I can't believe it - management position with a salary! That truck is mine!" Age 23: "Where's my drink? Ah! There's my drink... Get in my belly!" Age 24: "Thomas, Annie... I miss them so much. Did I make the right decision in leaving? They never even write to me anymore..." Age 25: "I don't have a drinking problem! YOU have a problem drinking!" Age 26: "So the Old Man's really gone. I guess I should feel regret... or something..." Age 27: "Mother's really letting Annie visit? I guess she has no reason not to now that Father's gone. I can't wait to take her out, show her what she's been missing out on all these years!" Age 27: "This can't be happening. This can't be happening. God, why couldn't you have taken me? It's MY FAULT GOD DAMN IT! Oh Annie, what have I done?" Age 27: "Never walk again? Who cares?! My sister's dead and it's my fault. Never walk again - I don't deserve to ever breath again." Age 28: "One year to the day, and she's still gone. I should just end it now - what do I have to live for anyway?" Age 28: "I had that dream again... I was talking to Annie like nothing had ever happened and everything was fine and then I wake up... To this." Age 29: "This wheelchair doesn't move fast enough." Age 30: "Thomas sent me another of his 'I'm so disappointed in you, Jakob' letters. As if I don't already know I'm a piece of shit. Thanks alot, Thomas. Tonight, I'll drink to you." Age 33: "Stairs... My only weakness..." Age 34: "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference." Age 36: "No, I think I am ready to sponsor someone... I've been sober for over a year now! Hell, if I can do it - anyone can!" Age 38: "Today was the anniversary of Annie's death... almost fell off the wagon after I visited the grave. Thank God, I managed. Every day is a new test." Age 42: "I think about the old home all the time... I wish Mother would reply to my letters. I wish Thomas would find it in his heart to forgive me. I get so lonely..." Age 49: "I can't believe I'm turning 50 this year - who ever thought I'd make it this far?" Age 52: "Are those bruises on her arms? Poor thing. She's the same age as Annie was when... I've got to try to help her." Age 53: "Kathleen was commended today for her 6 months of sobriety. I've never seen her look so healthy! She's a beautiful young girl, and one day she will make some man very happy!" Age 54: "I won't do it. I won't do the chemotherapy. It's just not worth it any more to keep pushing. Kathy will be heartbroken but I think it's time to move on..." Age 56: "It's sad to see mother like this. I thought she'd never come and see me... not after Annie. At least her and Kathy seem to be getting along." Age 57: "Kathleen surprised me today by bringing around all the people I've sponsored in the program - I had no idea there were so many!" Age 58: "Kathleen, you'll never know just how much you mean to me. You say I saved your life, but really you saved mine. God bless you..." Age 58: "Life is a strange and beautiful journey. Yes, there are things I would have changed -but not this - not having Kathleen here at my side."